The Holidays Aren’t Always Easy
I’ve lived in a separate country from my family for 9 years now, and in a different state from most of them, practically my entire life. When I was 6 years old, my dad took a job as a professor and moved my mom and me to Idaho, leaving the rest of our family in Southern California. The one time I would see my entire family: Christmas. In a one week period, I felt the pressure to connect and relate to around 20 different people who have led very different lives from mine. These are the people who I grew up learning are supposed to be the most important ones in life: our very own blood line. The ones we are always there for no matter what. Yet, with each passing year I felt I knew them less and less. And, certainly, the other way around was true.
Throughout my years as a Counselor, I have realized that the holidays are truly a very dark time for many, and it’s not just for the (at least) 15% of us in the population who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. For us, the literal dark and cold of the season itself is a big piece of the puzzle, and all of the stress of the holidays piles on top of an already difficult time.
Stress and expectations run high, the to-do lists become far too long, and the pressure slowly builds. Not gonna lie, it’s a big part of the reason I enjoy a warm life in Bali now!
As the holidays draw closer, emotions run high. Many feel the pressure of responsibility to hold family traditions together. Consumerist-driven comparison has us all in a tailspin. What is supposed to be the jolliest holiday turns into a disaster as we simply and impossibly try to keep everyone else happy. Somewhere along the way, we let ourselves slip through the cracks. What about your needs? Where is the time to take care of the most important person of all? Your very own self. It’s an easy time to meltdown, over-analyze everything, and doubt yourself.
I get it. I see you. I’m here for you.
Exactly four years ago, the pressure built up to such an extreme, that I knew I needed to do something drastic before I completely fell apart.
In that moment of desperation, I made a radical decision and gave myself the greatest gift of all….Permission to be Myself. My true self, not the one others expected me to be.
This girl has needs, and perhaps tending to them will disappoint others. And actually, that is ok. Because after all, she can’t ever please everyone. But one thing she knew for sure was that if she didn’t meet her own needs, she would please no one. This self had been forgotten somewhere along the way, and it was time to bring her back. It was time to tap back into her.
I Went On A Holiday Vision Quest
Once I gave this force within me permission to be seen, heard, and respected, she became very decisive, and I was obediently along for the ride. She decided to take a month long solo trip to Bali, resisting the usual temptation to travel with friends. We knew we needed some alone time. We made a pact together to fill this month-long solo trip with only things that feed the soul layers.
Within a few weeks, a surf yoga retreat happened. We surfed and overcame fears. We checked into a silent retreat for 10 days and got very well acquainted with each other. Together, we took one breath, and dove down to 20 meters ~ in and out of the windows of a shipwreck, like a real live mermaid. A lifelong dream came true on that fine day! A long-anticipated week in Ubud was spent, and we dove into an intense cleanse. We drank coconuts, sat in infrared saunas, and did Yin Yoga. We learned to be kind and gentle with each other. We visited a psychic and experienced a Shamanic Astrological reading. They both helped us see and move beyond the walls that had been built.
While in Ubud around Christmastime, we met a new friend who had a feather in her hair, and we were in total agreement that we needed some of those. This would be the perfect gift.
I Was A Transformed Woman
We had grown to be so in tune with each other over the past month, that answers had become very apparent. Intuition was free-flowing with generosity. The next day we manifested 25 new feather hair extensions. I was a transformed woman, and now I had a beacon to show others!
From that point on, I began attracting the most magical people into my life. The feathers served as a signal to my soul siblings, and suddenly I knew who was in my tribe. 4 years later, and I still insist on constantly rocking feathers in my hair. They symbolize me choosing to love myself ~ All parts of myself ~ Believing in the magic within me that deep down, I know is limitless.
Now I am the phoenix, who has risen from the ashes a bright and vibrant magical creature. I may not always seem that way to others, or feel that way within myself, but I always do know it to be true. Sometimes I just have to work harder than others to remember what I know to be the truth. The holiday season tends to be one of those times.
Gift-Giving Culture
The culture around gift-giving is an interesting piece of this. I feel like it has the potential to be such a beautiful tradition, but is easy to miss the mark. When expectations get involved, it quickly gets overly complicated. How often have you received a gift that shows the gift giver doesn’t know you at all? How much worse is that than not receiving a giftl? And then of course there’s the pressure to make sure we don’t accidentally do that to someone else! It can be enough to suck the joy right out of the whole tradition.
My dear friend Kai and I were discussing this, and she had the best idea ever. We were so inspired, so now it is our duty to pass the love along. It is a simple idea, but with the power to turn this thing around, and put some of the love back into it, where it matters the most.
Step 1: Buy and/or make yourself a present or an experience. It doesn’t matter how small or costly, as long as it is thoughtful, and you will truly love it. Perhaps it’s on something you would really truly love, but typically would never buy or make for yourself. Or maybe you’ve never taken yourself on a delightful date filled with things you love. This is an opportunity to show some radical love for the person who has gotten you this far!
Step 2: Take the time to wrap it. Or plan it. Make it beautiful. How would you present a gift to someone else who you care deeply about? Do the same for yourself. Allow yourself to feel how much love you’re putting into yourself, and what this symbolizes in your life. You are absolutely worth taking the time to make something beautiful for. You are just as deserving as anyone else.
Step 3: Put it under the tree, or wherever you put gifts waiting to be given. Infuse yourself with joy on Christmas morning, or whenever you prefer to give and receive gifts. Really feel the loving energy that went into this gift for you. This joy can always come from within, and needs be reliant on no one else. You can always take the time to be grateful for your own admirable qualities: Your empathy, compassion, strength, beauty, inspiration, resilience, cheerfulness, open-heartedness. It’s time to celebrate all things that make you, YOU!
There is no better time than the present to stop, and remember what’s important. The reason for the season. If it’s all about spending time with loved ones, and showing those close to you that you care. Don’t forget about the very most important one. The one who you are destined to spend the rest of your life with. YOU. This is a perfect time to set your sights on what is truly important for 2019, and set the tone with making yourself a priority. Just imagine the ripple effects!
If you want to give yourself another precious gift, I have one more suggestion. A Soul Plan Reading. It’s the perfect way to re-calibrate; getting back to the original intention behind the tapestry of this life. What is your soul’s mission? One session is all it takes to jog your memory, and clarify your vision for the upcoming year. Discover in which ways you feel aligned with your true self, and where you could use an adjustment. This is a perfect way to start 2019 off from the most authentic and intentional way possible.
As my gift to you, I would love to give you 12% off your very own Soul Plan Reading (Get it? 12 for December!)
Simply send me a message to book an appointment. Distance is no problem, Skype is our friend 🙂
Happy Holidays to you, and remember to let the love flow both ways this holiday season. The more it flows in, the more it can flow out.
With Immense Holiday Love~
Your Soul Therapist <3
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